How is the experience going to be better?

I know a wordpress site when I see one.

Who cares? This is how design works. Copy & iterate. Take what works and make it your own. I challenge you to create something with zero influence from the outside world.

The things you described as supposed to be immediately recognizable, able to scale, and work in B&W, are subsets of icons -> traffic signs, user interface/GUI icons, airport wayfinding symbols, Olympic pictograms, etc.

Yes, this is exactly what I was describing. Now how would you define illustration (drawing, sketch, painting, print, etc.)?

Do Eli's examples sway more towards illustration or icon?

We can agree to disagree.

A little bit, but not so much. Logos can have a lot more room for interpretation and symbolism. Icons are supposed to be immediately readable and intuitive.

If it means anything, I have a BFA in Graphic Design with a focus in print design.

It's only derogatory if you think so. I was taught to think of icons like letterforms. They need to be simple, scale to many different sizes, and work in B&W. They should be clear and readable with little room for interpretation.