• Karen Li, almost 6 years ago

    I've made some edits to my intro, if you want to check out the changes, I'd love some more feedback!

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    • Michel BioMichel Bio, almost 6 years ago (edited almost 6 years ago )

      Hi Karen,

      Definitely better. It reads more naturally. One point of attention you could further work on: Try to focus attention on the viewer/potential client in your intro. So less 'Me' 'I' and more 'You' 'Your'.

      For example, instead of: I use human centered design principles to craft delightful experiences and innovative products.

      You could do: Getting your business (or product/service) the most delightful experiences and innovative products, using human centered design principles, is what drives me.

      Better: Formulate what 'value' you bring your client. Is 'delightful experiences' and 'innovative products' the value you're bringing?

      Again, good luck!

      0 points