#designhorrorstories

almost 8 years ago from Jim Silverman, Product Designer

  • Jordan KoscheiJordan Koschei, almost 8 years ago (edited almost 8 years ago )

    It was a dark and stormy night. Doctor Contentmarkëting, CMO of the Frankenstein Group™, stood inside the tallest tower of Castle Specwork and gazed upon his latest creation.

    It was a horrific assemblage of parts, scavenged from the darker corners of the internet. Code snippets without consistent indenting. A bit of PHP from a downvoted answer on StackOverflow. An entire interface comprised of unskinned jQuery UI components.

    “Why? Why would you do such a thing?” cried the doctor’s prisoner, a naïve young designer who’d had the gall to stand by his principles. His blue beanie hung lifelessly from his head. “This creation of yours is an atrocity.”

    “Is it? Or will it be one of the most effective lead generation tools the world has ever seen?”

    The prisoner shuddered as the doctor sewed yet another dark pattern into his unnatural brainchild — a free trial form that would automatically charge the user’s credit card as soon as the trial ended.

    “No, you can’t!”

    “Oh, but I can!” cackled the doctor. A Thunderbolt™ cracked overhead, as if for emphasis, as the evil genius added a Twitter sign-in form that would spam all the user’s friends.

    “But… but… I can’t even tell what platform this is going to be built on! Is that… Hubspot?”

    The doctor smiled his malevolent smile. “Better,” he said. “It’s Sharepoint.”

    [cut to black]

    35 points